I can’t go on with my masters… I am not being able to dedicate any time to it and it is making me suffer too much.
I have always demanded a lot from myself and not being able to dedicate enough time to this has been bothering me since the beginning. Now that I am not being able to find even some minutes at the weekend — when I am too tired to think about mathematical equations, logic problems, processes, etc. — I have finally decided on giving up.
It all started a bit more than two years ago. I spent time watching classes, reading books, reading articles, solving problems and equating things, but now… I am letting it all go.
It is hurting a lot to take this decision. But it will hurt much more trying to finish it.
I have tears in my eyes… But the simple thought of not having this pressure that I impose on myself relieves me and makes my body relax.
The pain is not emotional only, it gets to the physical level.
I will be better letting it go… I just need enough courage, now, to go to the university and request the cancellation and say goodbye to everyone.
I wish I had the possibility of dedicating myself to research, but unfortunately this is something I can’t do. Somebody has to pay my bills and unfortunately that person is me 😦
Life keeps going on…